


Partners

by dbw



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-20
Updated: 2009-11-20
Packaged: 2017-10-03 10:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dbw/pseuds/dbw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post <i>The Sentinel by Blair Sandburg</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Partners

**Author's Note:**

> My rendition of the classic theme "will they ever take a ride on the clue bus?"
> 
> Originally posted June 2002

I love him.

I, Blair Sandburg, guide, anthropologist, self-proclaimed fraud, wanna be shaman, love James Ellison, sentinel, cop, repressed best friend.

There. I said it. Okay, technically I thought it, but that has to count for something, doesn't it? I mean, I'll never actually tell Jim. How could I? See, I love him, but he doesn't love me. Oh, he loves me; he just doesn't _love_ me. Get the difference?

And that's all right. Really it is. He's the best friend I've ever had and I've already been the cause of more pain and guilt for him than I'd care to admit. If I told him, it would change things between us and not for the better. Not because Jim would be angry or offended or anything. The man isn't built that way. No, it's because it would make him sad that I feel that way about him and he doesn't return my feelings. He'd feel guilty and he'd start treating me differently.

See, Jim communicates a lot by touch. He's a very tactile person, always has been, especially where I'm concerned. Lots of little pats and pets and punches and hair riffling. That's just Jim being Jim. And me being me, well, I soak up every single one of his touches. Funny thing, I tend to be moving in so many different directions at the same time that even when I'm talking a mile a minute about one subject I've usually got another topic or three bouncing around in my head trying to get out. And Jim's touches seem to ground me somehow. They keep me here in the real world. Besides, I love to feel his hands on me, if only for those few seconds.

If Jim knew how I felt, he'd second-guess all of those touches. He'd worry that he was sending me the wrong signal or that being touched by him might be painful for me since he doesn't love me that way. He'd be wrong, but I know him and that's what he'd start thinking. And the touching would stop. I couldn't stand that. And even worse would be if he started avoiding _my_ touch. I think that might kill me.

So, it's better if I just keep all of this to myself and go on as I have, living in the little room under his and being his friend and guide. I can be content with that. At least for as long as he'll let me stay. Not that he'd kick me out or anything, not after what we went through with Alex. But one of these days Jim's going to find someone whom he does love _that way_ and I doubt that he or she will be tolerant of having a live-in guide hanging around the place. I don't know what I'll do when that day comes and I don't really want to think about it. I'm living in the now, you know? And that's all right, too. I've never needed much for myself and, so long as I can be with Jim, I'm happy. And soon I'll be his official partner at work. So you see, it's all goodness.

 

~~~~~~~ooo~~~~~~~ooo~~~~~~~ooo~~~~~~~

 

"Hey Chief," Jim said as he breezed into the loft. He slipped out of his jacket and hung it on the coat rack.

"Hey yourself," came the reply from the couch. "There's water and beer in the fridge, man. I have some chicken pieces marinating. Thought we could broil them and do a salad for dinner. How's that sound?"

Jim reached into the fridge and pulled out a beer. He called over his shoulder, "Sounds good. You need a beer?"

"Nah, man, I'm fine. I just got one before you came in."

He shut the refrigerator door and popped the cap off the beer bottle. The beer was cold and slightly bitter and felt good sliding down his throat. He wandered into the living room and smiled. Blair sat cross-legged on the floor with his back to the couch, manuals and papers scattered around him on the coffee table and the floor. His hair was tied at his nape and his glasses were perched on his nose. A full bottle of beer sat on a coaster on the table.

"How's the studying going?" Jim asked as he sat on the couch next to him, close enough for his thigh to brush Blair's shoulder.

"Not bad." He flashed him a smile. "It's funny, I know that I picked up a lot of this stuff while I was following you around, but I didn't realize just how many of the details I'd absorbed. A lot of this is like a review."

Jim's heart gave a little stutter at Blair's smile. He was happy with this, he thought and a bit more of the residual guilt that Jim still carried over the dissertation fell away. It seemed like that was happening a lot lately. While Blair had been adamant that he wanted to be Jim's official partner, Jim hadn't been able to shake the feeling that if other options had been available that this wouldn't be what Blair would have chosen. The last thing Jim wanted was for Blair to resent his decision. So each time he showed his happiness and enjoyment for what he was doing, Jim's feelings of guilt eased some more.

"That's good," he said. He took a swallow of his beer and asked, "Think you'll be ready for the test next week?"

Blair nodded. "Yeah. I could probably take it sooner, but I don't mind having the extra time to study. It's all good."

Jim nodded in return. Blair had had so much on-the-job experience from working with him that he'd been able to test out of almost all of the classes at the Academy. And not just pass them. Jim smiled as he remembered the amazement on the instructors' part when Blair had aced all of the tests he'd taken. The administration had been suspicious and had required him to take an oral exam given by a select group of instructors. Blair had agreed and had managed to satisfy even his harshest critics.

Jim had waited outside the room during the exam, so he knew just how it had gone. In point of fact, Blair had been so eloquent that the senior instructor there had asked him to consider applying to become an instructor at the Academy after he graduated. Jim knew that Blair had been flattered, but he'd told the man that that wasn't why he was joining the force. As the two of them had exited the room, the instructor had sent a long look Jim's way and then turned back to Blair. He'd told him sincerely that he was glad that Blair had made the decision he had and that he hoped that Blair would consider being a guest lecturer every now and then. He thought the cadets could benefit from his experiences and viewpoint. With a nod to Jim he'd left them, Blair staring after him open-mouthed. Jim had gently reached over and put a finger under his chin to close his mouth and then steered him out to the truck. That was the last time that any of Blair's test scores were questioned.

Jim tipped his beer up and swallowed. The physical portion of the Academy had been tough, but Blair had worked hard and managed to get through the obstacle course and the self-defense class with decent scores. The only tests left were evidence gathering within the law and marksmanship. He knew that Blair would sail through the written test. He wasn't as sure about the firearms test. Blair wouldn't let him accompany him when he went to practice on the firing range. He'd refused to tell Jim what his scores were so far, saying only that Jim didn't need to be concerned. He trusted Blair, but that didn't keep him from worrying.

"So, have they given you the date for the marksmanship test?"

Blair nodded. "Yeah. I got it today. I take the written exam next Tuesday." He gestured at the papers surrounding him. "And then I go to the firing range on Wednesday. If everything pans out, I'll have my certificate of completion by Thursday."

Jim's hand tightened around the beer bottle. "You're not worried about it, are you?"

He snorted. "Not really. And you don't need to be worried, either, you know."

"I'm not, Chief." At Blair's disbelieving glance, he added, "Well, not worried, exactly. I'll just be relieved when it's over and I have you back as my partner."

Blair turned to face Jim, resting his arm on the seat of the couch. He touched Jim lightly on the knee, the brief warmth of his hand comforting. "Jim, man, we really haven't talked much about what happens when I come back to Major Crime."

"How do you mean?" Jim frowned.

"I mean," Blair said patiently, "that I'll be your partner for real. A cop. With a badge and a gun. No more tossing me the phone and telling me to stay put and call for backup."

Jim chuckled. "Like that ever worked with you. Look, Chief, I know all of that. I thought hard about it before Simon and I first discussed this idea." He sobered and held Blair's gaze. "I trusted you to back me up when you weren't a cop. Having the training and knowledge from the Academy just means that you've got more tools at your disposal. I may not completely like the fact that it also means you're going to be required to put yourself right into the action when we're working, but you've never shirked from doing that anyway. I'm not saying this right, I guess. It's just that you've always rushed in to help me, even when you didn't have anything but your wits to defend yourself. The difference now is that you'll also have formal training and a gun."

"So, you're really okay with the fact that the next time we go out on a case, I'll be a cop?"

He shrugged and said, "If I wasn't okay with it I wouldn't have approached Simon with the idea."

Blair's eyes widened. "You approached Simon? I thought..."

Jim watched as Blair's emotions played across his face. Shock and joy seemed to be the two strongest reactions. Had things been so confused between them that he would think that this idea had come from Simon? Jim felt an old sorrow well up inside and he shoved it back down. "Yeah, Chief, I approached Simon," he said gently. He was unprepared for the blinding smile that lit up Blair's face.

"You...you really are good with the idea of me being your partner." He sounded slightly amazed.

He studied the expressive face and his breath caught at the depth of emotions in the gaze that focused on him. Maybe it was time for some honesty. "I'm more than good, Chief. I just wasn't sure if it was fair to you." He held up a hand to forestall Blair's protest. "Hear me out. I know that being a cop wasn't on your radar screen. And I was afraid that you might have accepted it because it seemed like the only viable option for you. But I've watched you and listened to you while you've been working your way through the Academy's tests and I've come to believe that you're happy with this choice. You deserve to know how I feel."

"Jim, it's all right," Blair said softly.

He shook his head. "No, it's not. I want to, no, I _need_ to say this. I can't do this without you, Chief. And, even more importantly, I _won't_ do this without you. I need you with me, Blair. I've just been so damned afraid that I was being selfish in trying to keep you here."

He reached out to lightly touch the soft curls on top of Blair's head and then pulled his hand away, only to blink when Blair caught his wrist. He swallowed as Blair slowly brought his hand to his cheek and then released his wrist. Blair's cheek was warm against Jim's palm, a juxtaposition of soft skin and rough whiskers. He gently caressed it, easing his long fingers into the hair at Blair's temple.

"Jim?" Blair whispered, conveying a wealth of questions with his name.

Jim replied in the way that was easiest for him. He slid his hand around to cup the back of Blair's neck and was moved when Blair tipped his head back, letting Jim support its weight with his hand. The love reflected in those smoky blue eyes gave him the courage to continue and he slowly lowered his head till their mouths were so close that their breath commingled and he could feel Blair's heat. He waited a fraction of a second for a sign that this was unwanted, unwelcome, and when none was forthcoming, he closed his eyes, covered Blair's mouth with his and opened up his senses.

The kiss was gentle, a close mouthed exploration of the soft lips beneath his own. When those lips moved against his, Jim thrilled with anticipation, but continued to keep the kiss gentle and undemanding. It wasn't until Blair's hand fisted in his shirt and then his mouth opened to let out a breathy moan that Jim allowed his desire free range. The tip of his tongue asked for and was granted access into the heat of Blair's mouth. Taste and smell exploded in riotous glory. Their tongues tangled, stroked, retreated, only to return to duel again. Moans were heard, but Jim didn't know if they came from him or from Blair. Finally, reluctantly, they broke off. Jim rested his forehead against Blair's for a moment and then pulled back, leaving his hand tangled in the hair at the base of Blair's neck. Sometime during the kiss, the tie had loosened, allowing his hair to spill over Jim's hand.

"Oh boy." Blair still held a fistful of Jim's shirt and didn't seem inclined to let go.

"You can say that again, Chief." Jim smiled. In the space of a few moments his world had righted itself completely and the future was looking awfully good.

"Uh, Jim? Not that I'm complaining here or anything, but what was that all about?" Blair's voice was unsteady, a hint of insecurity in his tone.

Jim brushed Blair's cheek with the backs of his fingers. "That was me telling you how much I love you and that was you telling me you feel the same."

"How...how long have you felt this way?"

"Long time, Chief. I've just been too afraid to show you until now." He smiled to himself.

"Afraid? Why afraid?"

He shook his head. "You wrote the book, Darwin," he said in amusement. "Fear based responses, right? Well, what do you think I've been most afraid of in the last few months?"

Blair frowned. "I don't...maybe..." He shook his head. "Okay, I give. What?"

Jim shrugged. "You leaving me. You'd already told me that you had enough data for more than one thesis. And once the damn thing was finished, what reason would you have to stick around? I mean, sure, the friendship thing, but that didn't seem like enough to keep you with me, here at the loft, helping me at the station. I kept going around and around about what would make you want to stay and I couldn't come up with anything." Jim smiled ruefully at the stunned expression on Blair's face.

"Jim, I..." Blair's voice trailed off and then suddenly he began to laugh.

Jim raised his eyebrows. "What's so funny, Chief?"

"You were afraid I'd leave," he replied, "and I was afraid that you'd want me to go. I've been in love with you for what seems like forever, you shmuck, and I'd been dragging out the thesis for as long as I could get away with, thinking it was the only excuse that would let me stay. And all that time you're thinking that if it was done that I'd have no reason not to go. We're a pair, that's for sure."

Jim grinned. "Yeah. But the real question is, a pair of what?"

Blair met his gaze and said, "I dunno, but kiss me like that again and I'll be willing to pair up with you any way you want."

Jim swallowed hard. "You mean that?"

"Didn't I just tell you that I love you?" he asked, fond exasperation in his voice. "Did you think that meant that I'd be satisfied with that one kiss and wouldn't want more?"

"We're talking about taking this partnership in a whole different direction," Jim warned. "I just want to make sure that we're both clear on what we're talking about before we go any further."

"Jim," he said softly, "I love you and you said you love me. I know you take that seriously. Now, are you gonna talk this to death, or are you gonna kiss me?" He smiled.

Jim didn't need another invitation. He claimed Blair's mouth with all of the passion that had pent up over the last eight frustrating months. Blair's response was immediate and just as passionate. As kisses go it wasn't the most sensual or the most skilled, but it was hot and wet and it left Jim panting and hard in its wake.

As he gazed into the answering fire in Blair's eyes, he said, "I just have one more question. Want to take this upstairs?" He smiled at Blair's grin.

"I thought you'd never ask, man."

 

~~~~~~~ooo~~~~~~~ooo~~~~~~~ooo~~~~~~~

 

I was an idiot. I thought I could be content with the way that things were between Jim and me. That unrequited love was better than taking the risk of telling Jim how I felt and having it all out in the open. Like I said, I was an idiot.

Jim surprised me once again. I've learned so much from him, but this has been my favorite lesson by far. It rocked me to the core when he kissed me. I mean, here I'd been too afraid to _say_ anything and what does Jim do? Exactly. Jim just _does_ it. He told me he loved me in the way that allowed him to express himself the clearest -- touch. The vulnerability of his action just blew me away. He thought I might feel the same, but it was only a hope. The guy's courage never ceases to amaze me.

So, here we lie in his big bed, the sheets all tangled and messy in the aftermath of our lovemaking. Jim is asleep, sated and boneless, stretched out beside me like a big old contented cat. And here I am, observing him. I don't think I'll ever get tired of doing that. I don't have to get a certificate from the Police Academy for it to be real; the badge is just a bonus. I'm already Jim's partner for life in the most important way of all.


End file.
